Living in the here and me-ow

Following dreams

I went semi-shopping with Chabs (a nickname I prefer to call my friend Diane nowadays because it's cuter and suits her more) this afternoon at the SM department store, looking for costumes for our upcoming National Arnis Tournament. We're competing in the synchronized anyo competition, and part of beating the opponent has always been, for us, looking good along with the moves. ^_^ I love how easy it is to hang out with her, even if we aren't from the same group of friends that regularly hang out together. Most of all, I love the insights that I get whenever we get to talking about whatever's been happening in our lives.

The topic that struck me the most was when I asked her what the "alchemist style" means, seeing as both she and her boyfriend have set it as the sort of template of their relationship. Her answer intrigued me. She said that they got it from a book entitled "The Alchemist," which holds that you should follow your dreams, and that whoever you're with shouldn't limit you from doing so. It's like saying you're free to pursue everything you want to achieve, with the knowledge that that someone will always be there for you, loving you no matter what you become along the way.

Captivated, I checked out Google for a better idea on the story:

"The Alchemist", is an exciting novel that bursts with optimism; it is the kind of novel that tells you that everything is possible as long as you really want it to happen. That may sound like an oversimplified version of new-age philosophy and mysticism, but as Coelho states "simple things are the most valuable and only wise people appreciate them".

As the alchemist himself says, when he appears to Santiago in the form of an old king "when you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true". This is the core of the novel's philosophy and a motif that echoes behind Coelho's writing all through "The Alchemist". And isn't it true that the whole of humankind desperately wants to believe the old king when he says that the greatest lie in the world is that at some point we lose the ability to control our lives, and become the pawns of fate. Perhaps this is the secret of Coelho's success: that he tells people what they want to hear, or rather that he tells them that what they wish for but never thought possible could even be probable. [...]

Coelho also suggests that those who do not have the courage to follow their " Personal Myth", are doomed to a life of emptiness, misery, and unfulfillment. Fear of failure seems to be the greatest obstacle to happiness. As the old crystal-seller tragically confesses: " I am afraid that great disappointment awaits me, and so I prefer to dream". This is where Coelho really captures the drama of man, who sacrifices fulfillment to conformity, who knows he can achieve greatness but denies to do so, and ends up living a life of void.

It is interesting to see that Coelho presents the person who denies to follow his dream as the person who denies to see God, and that "every happy person carries God within him". However, only few people choose to follow the road that has been made for them, and find God while searching for their destiny, and their mission on earth.

It got me thinking about more than just relationships. I started thinking about my life as a whole...

I've always seen myself as a determined, goal-oriented person. I've always been locked in a competition with myself, in a constant desire to be a better person in every aspect. From the moment I decided where I wanted to study after high school to the day I accepted a job offer (and stuck by it until now :p) despite my sickness, I always saw myself as someone who would do whatever it takes, fighting to follow a dream she has set for herself.

But lately I've been thinking if I really have done everything that I could. Have I really taken advantage of every opportunity that came my way? The answer is no.

And lately I feel like I've been holding myself back. In everything. In my work, in my choices, everything. Why? Because I fear failure and loss more than anything else. I find myself deathly scared that if I take one, aggressive step towards an outrageous option, I could fail and lose everything I've fought so hard to have and achieve.

I believe that behind everything that happens to a person every day, there is a reason. However, while it's a good, optimistic idea that gives me the dedication and strength to go through life and value all my relationships, it's also my Achilles' Heel. Because from this idea stems a kind of stubborness that refuses to take a step onto another road, a new path, a risk, a chance to do something in a different, possibly hurtful and scary way. In my path to get to where I am now, I definitely took some risks and even failed in some, and a part of me just doesn't want to go through all that again. A part of me refuses to move from the stability that I have achieved so far, not wanting to think about the fact that, maybe, the scary parts are there to make you stronger, and make you happier in the end. Maybe the life I have now isn't the only kind of life I deserve. Maybe I ought to take some chances, because, maybe, the results will be better for me in the long run.

Sigh, here I go again. Just the thought makes me want to curl up in my bed and hide under the blankets. I know it's time to wake up, what with these realizations and all. But being confused as I am, I might as well procrastinate some more and get a copy of the book. Maybe then I can stop dealing with the "maybes" and find a way do something about it. Maybe. Hopefully.

posted by Mich @ 11:13 AM